Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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