does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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