Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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