I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
