So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
