she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
