I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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