Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
