im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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