im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
