Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
