i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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