Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
