is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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