He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
