I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
