you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
