Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
