I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My ass is underappreciated
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
