He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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