Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
