I'm going to jail i love you
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Still dying that you shit outside
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
