plz talk dirty to me
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
