I could have mohawked her pubes.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
