Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
