angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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