I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
