I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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