Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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