The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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