Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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