I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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