what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
How external is "for external use only"?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
