If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
