True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
