Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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