she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
