Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
