just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
