doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
