being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
