I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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