How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
