we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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