I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
