Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
