Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
