i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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