Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
