did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
