Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
