If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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