i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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