Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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