We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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