I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
