I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
