Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
