My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
This show inspires me to have sex in space
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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