Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
