Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
