I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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