I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
