my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
