I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
