Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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