what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
